Gary

Part of the reason why I have subjected myself to the tortures of on line dating is for the simple experience of actually going on dates. Having never dated until my mid twenties, my Dad once assured me that dating was meant to be a "fun" past time. Since Dad was the ultimate bachelor, I figured there had to at least be some truth to his perspective.

"It's like you are 16 and just learning how to date" Evelyn analyzed one night as we sat on her couch, wine in hands.

"I know. I feel a little pathetic" I admitted. I was having to navigate dating etiquette, social cues, and awkward kisses for the first time. I had been in a series of monogamist relationships since I was 16. I could only recall the familiar feeling of falling in to a relationship, not the foreign thrill of falling in to love.

"I'm determined to just date a lot of different kinds of people" I told Evelyn. "I just don't know what my 'type' is. That is, if I even have a 'type'."

"Well we at least know your 'type' is not a meat head, now don't we?" Evelyn joked.

"Cheers to that!" I said, touching my glass to hers.

I had agreed to meet Gary for afternoon coffee. Having been on a few dates recently that lacked intellectual stimulation (to put it nicely) I was turning to my gut this time. Gary was tall, dark, and handsome but also seemed to be a touch nerdy. The truth of the matter is that I had always had a soft spot for men who had a little geeky streak in them. It may have had something to do with my creepy childhood obsession with Patrick Dempsey in the 1987 cult classic "Can't Buy Me Love" . Regardless, I found Gary to be endearing. I was looking forward to checking out Mr. Sincere.

I sat in my car touching up my lipgloss as I saw Gary walk in to the coffee shop out of the corner of my eye. I didn't get a good look at him, but I could tell it was him from his dark hair and preppy ensemble. I hopped out of the car and followed him inside.

It had been several dates since I felt the jitters that once overcame me before actually meeting someone in person. I had adopted a realist perspective after encountering so many bad matches. The reality of the situation was that I would perhaps meet a nice person who I could have an interesting conversation with. That was the extent of what I had hoped for walking through those coffee shop doors.

"Hi Gary!" I greeted him as I saw him standing in line. He smiled at me and said "Hi". His voice was timid and quiet. I instantly knew that my pre-date assessment was accurate.

"How has your day been so far?" I asked him in a bubbly tone.

"Fine" He responded quickly.

"What have you done this morning?" I continued. I uncomfortably focused my eyes forward. There were four people ahead of us and the line was moving at a snail's pace.

"Not much" Gary replied. I smiled and looked to the side. This was going to be challenging.

"Do you think you could make me a cup of French press?" A boisterous lady in the front of the line asked the barista. "But I want it to be really strong. What is your strongest roast right now?" She continued.

"Let me check on that for you" the barista replied and went into the back to search for the lady's request. I took a deep breath and slowly let it out through my nostrils as I bit my lower lip. Gary stood next to me with his hands in his pockets, slightly swaying back and forth.

"I'm just going to jet into the bathroom quickly! Feel free to order and I'll meet you at a table." I told him as I was already walking away.

I locked the door behind me and faced the mirror. I had never met someone who didn't at least try to talk to me. I had definitely been in situations where the conversation was one-sided, but there was usually at least a small effort being exuded from the other party. I clutched the sink and leaned forward, in pep talk position. "You can do this, L.A. It's just coffee." I ran over a list of conversation starters in my mind as I looked at my own eyes in the mirror. I took another deep breath before opening the door.

Gary was sitting at a small table in the corner. The line had died down and I ordered a small hot tea. I went over my mental list one last time as I walked to the table where he sat. "So where are you originally from, Gary ?" I asked as I sat down.

"Ohio" he responded.

"I'm from the midwest also!" I said excitedly.

"Oh" He responded as he sat and looked down at his coffee.

"So what did you move to this area for?" I continued, determined to get an actual conversation started.

"For my job." He pursed his lips together and bobbed his head.

It went on like this for 15 minutes. I quickly moved through pity to frustration. Did he understand how hard and awkward this was for me? While I had intended to make this as comfortable as humanly possible, I was slowly hoisting up my white flag.

So I sat. I stared at him. I waited.

What felt like the longest five minutes of my life passed in silence.

Mr. Socially Awkward sat across from me, clutching his coffee, staring at the chair next to him. He had made no attempt to utter a single word during my Gandhi-like protest. I wondered if 20 minutes was the shortest first date in all of history.

"Well Gary, It was great to meet you. I've got to get going now." I said as I stood up. He smiled at me and thanked me for coming to meet him as he stretched his hand out in my direction. I shook his hand and smiled, warmly.

I walked back to my car and sighed, this time in relief. I started laughing to myself out loud. It occurred to me in that moment that while Dad was indeed the ultimate bachelor, he was also notoriously a glutton for punishment.